“For the life of me, I believe Satan trains battalions of demons to whisper one question in our ears: ‘What are people thinking of you?’ “ -Max Lucado

I first read the above quote off of a church bulletin board something like 6 or 7 years ago, and it stuck with me. All this time. I can’t remember what I had for dinner two nights ago, but I remember this quote, and that’s how I know it’s important.

I, like many most women, fall victim to the insecurity/wondering-what-people-think-of-me weakness. But even worse, I constantly play the “comparison game” in my mind. You know how that goes. I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, but lately, I feel like I’m playing these internal games way too much. The word “game” doesn’t even seem to capture it. All-out-WAR is what it feels like. Maybe it’s the advent of my 30th birthday just 5 or so months away (sidebar: ugh!)? Turning 30 is a milestone and instead of reflecting on all I’ve accomplished and who I am, I seem to have gotten bogged down in the mucky swamp of focusing on what I have not accomplished and what I am not, and I know, it’s just wrong. I should have left that in high school but I just haven’t.

I know that we can choose to be inspired or insecure because of other women, but I just wish I could break the cycle all together. Women are such complex creatures. We’re made so beautifully and for such a divine purpose but so many of us throw that all away at the expense of our spouses and families to “one up” the girl next door or the girl in the next cubicle or even a family member. We are capable of such ugliness. And what for? I think it was no mistake that Eve was the first to take a bite of that forbidden fruit. She was hungry for knowledge and power and she wanted it, forsaking PERFECTION to get a glimpse of the other side. Don’t we all do the same thing every day? We are blinded to all the wealth, love and beauty around us and are left wanting more and questioning everything. We are so in tune to what other people think or say about us, but completely deaf to the love and grace of God and our families and of those that truly love us and accept us as we are. Better than that, they rejoice at who we are and count their lives better because of us.

I know that I am so much more than what I give myself credit for. It’s one thing to let me beat myself up over such trivial things, but to take an extra step and continue to wonder what other people think of me… is just so pointless.

I was pondering all of this over the weekend and felt so convicted. I was having a war with myself over how to break the cycle and the quote popped into my head. It became so clear. I have been focused… on LIES. Satan is the father of lies and I’m eating up his poison like it’s candy. A picture even flashed into my mind of myself covered with demons whispering these LIES into my ears. And you know what? They had me right where they wanted me. They had me questioning all of the wonderful things and people I have in my life and who I am… God’s creation, fearfully and wonderfully made! These LIES have stolen so much from my life and so much joy from my heart and it stops now. Ladies, I am officially done competing with you. I am done wishing I had something that someone else has. I am done thinking that I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, skinny enough or successful enough. I am done letting joy leak out of my life. I am done taking for granted all the wonder around me. I am going to fall in love with my life this year. Every little piece of it. And, don’t take this the wrong way… but I don’t care what you think of me anymore. At least I’m going to work on getting there. I’m not eating up any more LIES. I’m craving TRUTH!


2 thoughts on “Working hard at not caring

  1. Great post. I know you don't care – but I think you're awesome! :)I do have those same thoughts at times. It's easy to look at what's not done and forget what has been accomplished. Anyway – just wanted to say…I have those days on occasion too and thank you for sharing your thoughts! It's hard not to care what others think or be envious over what others have but you've written a great reminder to "just create our best life". :)Have a wonderful weekend!Roeshel

  2. Roeshel,Thank you for your sweet words!!! And, for reading. 🙂 Jenn

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