I suppose it’s time for a baby update! Well, it definitely is since I’m 6 months along today. It’s not that I’m not incredibly EXCITED and bursting at the seams to talk about this magical time in our lives. In fact, it’s probably embarrassing to admit how much I think about this little boy growing in me and thinking about our futures. It’s just hard. Though it’s so difficult to explain, that motherly instinct inside of me has already kicked in. And something about sharing each and every detail leaves me feeling vulnerable and unsafe and leaves me feeling very protective of this little boy. Pregnancy has left me feeling more vulnerable than I ever have in my life and … I don’t like the feeling. The Internet now feels like an unwanted portal in which anyone can look – not only friends and family, who are my dear readers of this blog, but people, well, that I don’t want to share this time with. I want to be very careful about what I post about our son and it’s hard to find that dividing line. I’ve since spent a lot of time “house-cleaning” and decreasing my digital footprint, specifically from social networking sites, using the guide of “would I feel comfortable posting a photo of my child in this context?”. Honestly, it’s been therapeutic.
Though I don’t want to dwell on the negative, pregnancy has also set me up for a lot of harsh criticism, from people I least expected and from complete strangers. I’ve learned that people have no filters around pregnant women and no subject or comment is off the table. Comments about how HUGE you’re getting (even when you aren’t), how BAD and TIRED you look (even when you feel great) and how you SHOULD and SHOULDN’T do things (or as my dear MIL calls it “unsolicited advice”) are rampant. Very few are helpful and I have to keep that in mind, push them out of my mind and focus on the good comments, the encouragement and the super heartwarming moments that I get to share with my hubbs and son-to-be… those kicks and thumps are incredible. Pregnancy is a miracle. Our growing family has made my heart SO INCREDIBLY FULL.
I am treasuring all these moments and documenting them in my own way. I’m taking the time each week to work on a book documenting this whole pregnancy, week by week, that we can share with family, friends and guests in our home. I promise not to forget anything and I want our son to know all about what we were going through as we waited for him to come.
In the meantime, know that I am feeling GREAT! Pregnancy has been really good to me. Though I did struggle with some tiredness and headaches and battle with the occasional heartburn and back pain, I feel SO GOOD and so HAPPY. It’s been so much better than I ever imagined. As I head into the third trimester and watch my waistline expand, I know that enthusiasm may fade a little. The thing that will not fade is my excitement for Little C to come. I REALLY can hardly wait. I am so ready to hold that little man in my arms.
Ryan has been a fantastic husband and helper to me. He picks up when I just can’t go on. He allows me endless hours of rest. He gets excited about dumb things like receiving blankets and baby socks. He helps me re-focus when people get me down. He’s going to be SUCH an amazing father. I am blessed by this man! And blessed to get another little man in my life.
We’re working on his nursery this weekend and I’m so so excited. Pics to come! In them meantime, I leave you with a little self portrait of my bump.