I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that we are days away from entering 2015. Where are all these years going? I feel like it wasn’t long ago that the world was in an uproar over the coming of the year 2000 and Y2K. So how in the world is it nearly 15 years later. Answer? I’m in my (gag) 30s now. And how did that happen?!
2014 has been a tough one. Much tougher than I thought, because I don’t remember being terribly fond of 2013 either. In reflecting on the last 12 months, I feel like it has been my toughest personally, as a mother, physically and on my marriage. We have been through incredibly trying changes, big disappointments, challenges and transitions. Just before we welcomed Sweet B I declared to a friend, “I cannot handle one more change or transition! I will literally lose my mind if I have to deal with one more thing.” Word to the wise, never declare anything like that. It’s equal to saying “It can’t get any worse.” As we all know, it can, and it will.
This is not to say that my life is not full of incredibly rich blessings. I don’t ever want to short change or take for granted all the God has done. I have 2 incredibly amazing and healthy children, a loving husband of 6+ years, a supportive family, a beautiful home and a few golden friends that have been my rocks in these rough waters. But dang it, life is just tough. I think I said it best a few weeks ago when I declared to my husband, “I’m tired of being a responsible adult.” Hahahaha! But seriously…
Having said all of that, I have willed myself to look forward to 2015 with great hope, optimism and goals. I am not, by nature, a dreamer, but I have sadly seen myself cease to dream completely in the last few years. My days are too full of diapers, laundry, bills and To Do lists to dream, or so it feels at times. And that is a very sad existence. I don’t expect miracles in 2015, but I do have more hope than I have had in a long time.
My biggest project is me. But not in my typical perfectionist standard way. This year is about making real changes to bring forth true joy, instead of temporary happiness. Lasting peace instead of fleeting rest. Real ambition instead of effortless goals. Authentic parenting instead of social-network-driven performance. Deep love and dedication to my marriage instead of survival mode. I am excited for what is to come and I am praying for success.
What are your goals for this new year?
Cheers to 2015!